Here’s my story:
BEFORE the Breakthrough Coaching
While I had previous counseling for Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and I was aware of my anger issues, I had not learned to handle them. I still felt I had to deal with the mess on my own.
I was aware of my negative thoughts and tried to turn them around. God knows I had bought many self-help books ranging from confidence, to anger, to spiritual. I would feel encouraged then it would wane a few weeks after I finished the book. I needed to DO something about it. I wanted someone to make me DO things because for some reason I could not make myself do it.
Everyday was a struggle and more often than not, there was conflict of some sort with somebody in my life. Whether friends, family or strangers, I could not go into a store without getting upset about the treatment I received or getting belligerent with the cashiers for not knowing their jobs.
I was pissed off at everything.
Especially on the road, I would become full of rage when people would squeeze into my “safe space” and expect me to slow down for them. I felt everyone was against me and everything was a test.
I became angrier and angrier, thinking everyone thought they were better than me. I did not have a voice. No body listened to me. I did not know what I wanted to do with my life. And therefore really felt I was nothing. If I was going to continue to live a meaningless life and always be wrong, I honestly did not want to be on this earth.
I felt like a massive disappointment to myself, and to my dad who passed away a few years ago.
I felt I was nothing. I felt like this for many years, mainly because I would tell myself ‘NO!’, you can’t have that, you can’t have this. I was a shopoholic with giftware and scrapbooking. Stuff that I “needed” to feel like I was doing something – but in reality did NOTHING.
I felt like I WAS the anger.
I was eating unhealthy junk food and I could not control the desire for potato chips, fast food etc.
I would expect other drivers to cut me off. I would snap under pressure at the smallest things because it was invading me. It was causing huge issues at work. The anger ravaged my spirit. And if I didn’t DO something it was going to take my very soul.
DURING the Coaching
When I first met with Vanessa, I was still carrying the anger and unfairness of the whole world. It was almost like paranoia. “They did this to me, they did that to me” was the inner dialogue that played in my head – EVERY day. I needed to get OUT of my OWN head and out of my own way. How could I get away from me? I was driving myself crazy.
I made a choice to not be a victim to myself. I wanted to change me. I needed to change me. I could not stay on the self-destructive road I was on.
I needed help. And I asked for it.
Funny how I was led to Vanessa – through a MeetUp for goal setting that she organized.
I was skeptical of the process as any other therapy I had been involved in was only talking and analyzing. But I knew I needed to DO something. Vanessa was able to get to my sub-conscious and lifted the hold anger had on me.
What a relief! The heaviness was GONE on the drive home the night we did my first time-line therapy. A lot of other issues like guilt had also lifted.
When we finished that first float for anger and I came ‘back to the room’, I had tears in my eyes and I just looked at Vanessa and said, “Where did it go?” One of the things I love about Vanessa is that she was right there with me and she had tears in her eyes as well because she could feel the difference. All she said was, “Congratulations. You let it go. How does it feel?”
It felt really, really good and really, really different. All the weight of the rage disappeared instantly. It was gone. And it hasn’t come back.
Sure, I get angry. But anger is a healthy and natural emotion and I deal with it totally differently now.
My experience with people is different: I can watch people at a store, or on the road, or at work, get angry but I don’t get angry with them anymore – I don’t have to ‘out-rage’ them anymore and I realize that they are not out to get me. I tell myself a different story now.
I think differently about who I am now. The only person I can change is ME. I can’t change another person. By changing myself, others change their behaviour WITH me. I started to believe in my positive thoughts. Watched myself talking negatively to myself and very aware of how others talked negatively. It was uncomfortable to listen to the negative thoughts or stories of other people.
It is still very much a process with me to keep positive – especially when attacked by negative events. I am not going to be perfect. I am behaving differently, according to the words I speak. Inner dialogue is the key. I cherish myself first now. Believe the positive or not – either way I am going to attract what I think. I don’t attract the struggle any longer. I am learning every step.
Gradually, I wanted to take care of myself. Feel my own worthiness. Take charge of what happens to me. Create my own boundaries with others. After TLT with anger, a whole new world opened up. I did not feel threatened by other drivers. I was aware of other drivers and able to let go of the belief they were doing it to piss me off. I am driving just like they are driving. We share the road.
I stop and think, ‘What is kind?’ and I am becoming who I remember my TRUE self to be: caring, compassionate, mindful. I am a beautiful soul. I cherish and protect my soul at all costs.
One of the most beneficial parts of the healing was tasking and being held accountable. Tasking builds me UP. The reverse is also true. Which wolf am I feeding??? It’s really different from other types of therapy that I’ve done because Vanessa will not let me slip too far off track. If I don’t report in, and if I don’t do my tasking, she is right there with consequences and huge amounts of support to keep me moving forward.
AFTER the Breakthrough
I’m eating healthier, with no desire for potato chips. Vanessa used what she called a sub-modality technique on me and, where before I was eating BBQ potato chips several times a week for dinner, I haven’t had any desire for them since. I skip the whole junk food aisle now. I really don’t want any BBQ chips – I don’t even like thinking about them. And that one technique with Vanessa happened in one session – it took about 15 minutes.
I’m working on losing the weight and I’ve lost over 20 pounds now. I’m finding ways to push myself by asking what do I want MORE – the couch or a healthy body. My health is my main focus. Mind body spirit. I exercise on a consistent basis every week. And it feels great – after I get to the gym and workout. MON / WED / THURS are workouts for my body and I am trying to get to either yoga on Sat or aqua fit on Sunday for my mind. In the summer I go for walks in nearby parks to enjoy the outdoors. I know the gym is waiting for me in the winter.
Now I keep my kitchen sink clean, Vanessa introduced me to the Fly Lady and I love the difference that it makes. I have a routine for doing laundry. Aware of my need to plan meals / groceries / prepare food. I have to GET there so that I do not need to think about it – it happens automatically.
My apartment was disgusting before – I only had a narrow trail from the door through to my bedroom and I wasn’t doing laundry or cleaning on a regular basis. Now I cherish my space and want to create beauty there.
My anger is at a healthy level. I have not had outbursts or rage for months. This is the greatest relief I could have asked for. I have more patience with myself and others. My behaviour is calm.
I do have a really uncomfortable feeling with negative stories and negative comments. It drains me when I have listened to the negativity so I am very careful with my boundaries and who I associate with. I am VERY aware of positive and negative. Keeping the “grip” to not allow my own negative comments – verbally or internally is a daily routine. I am looking for more positive upbeat people to get to know.
I knew that I wanted a new job and I had really been struggling with the job search and sending out resumes. I run a new tape through my head – you are good enough, give yourself a chance, you can do it. Do it now. I do not have to be perfect. I am enough with who I am. I am proud of how far I have come in the last few months. I keep going.
One of the things that I loved about the Breakthrough were the resources that Vanessa shared. I loved the meditations and listen to Joyful Purpose whenever I need a boost of motivation.
I have now registered my new business and I am creating art to share with the world – it’s all part of my life purpose and mission that I figured out through working with Vanessa.
I can see now that I didn’t really want a new job, I wanted to express my passion in a new career and I am taking the steps to create that with Vanessa’s coaching support.
Finally, I am now looking to attract a wonderful man into my life that I can share my passion and happiness with and I know now that I have a lot to give to that kind of a soulmate relationship. Even more, I know that I deserve it.
I trust my instincts and I like who I am. I am a growing human being.
Thank you Vanessa!
— DJ, Richmond Hill