Depression Came for a Visit Today
He reached out with his warm, soft tendrils and invited me to start floating down… down… down…
Here’s what happened:
The day started just fine. Woke up early, had a chat with my Unconscious Mind, drank some tea, got ready for my calls
…and then I got some bad news.
And I got angry.
And then the thoughts started:
“It’s never going to work.”
“You can’t help anyone.”
“It’s all pointless.”
And then they amped up:
“He doesn’t really love you.”
“He’s just using you.”
(Note, the first: These are ALL lies. My clients are awesome, they have awesome Victories, and my big, yummy man is the biggest blessing in my life.)
(Note, the second: Notice the use of what we call ‘Universals’ – the ALWAYS, NEVER, ANYONE, etc.
Those negative Universals are ALWAYS lies. 😉 )
And I could feel those gossamer tendrils wrapping around me, soft and soothing and pulling me gently down, lulling me to sleep.
“It’s okay, the world’s a big, bad place and it’s better to be small. It’s better to hide.
You don’t really want to do this anyway, do you?
Nah. Of course you don’t.
It’s soooooo hard and
it’s soooooo much easier to
just creep under the blankies and
just pretend it doesn’t exist.
And maybe you should just yell at your husband and
tell him how much it hurts and
show him how it’s all his fault and,
yeah, this feels SOOOOOO GOOD, doesn’t it?”
And, OH YEAH!!, it feels SO FREAKIN’ GOOD!!
Y’see, here’s the thing I don’t think we talk enough about when we talk about depression:
IT FEELS REALLY GOOD IN THE BEGINNING!!!
(Note, the second and a bit: Kinda like mental masturbation, but that’s a story for a different day.)
Dropping the chains of adulthood, putting the responsibility everywhere else, and retreating to the way we wanted it to feel when we were children:
safe, helpless, powerless, innocent, and blameless.
And I went with it for a few minutes. Because it felt good and I didn’t wanna stop.
Sitting on the balcony in the warm Orlando sun when everything *should* have been perfect, I started staring out into the bleak landscape of what depression *actually* feels like to me.
Because, for me, this is how it works:
It FEELS REALLY GOOD in the beginning and then, by the time it feels like nothing, it’s too late – I’m wrapped so tight by those tendrils that it feels almost impossible to get out.
But I went with it… for a few minutes.
1. Then I got pissed (always a good first step since depression is almost always repressed rage and anger).
(Note, the third: See, in my world, I personify depression. He’s a big fat, energy-eating demon that likes to sit on our shoulders and slurp up all the negative spinning we put ourselves into.
He LOVES it when we buy the lies and he knows EVERY SINGLE ONE of our weak spots.)
2. And I yelled quite loudly (in my head, at least):
“How DARE you come here onto my balcony!! How DARE you!!
My balcony, darnit!!”
I may have stomped my foot.
(Note, the fourth: Depression doesn’t live here anymore, but he likes to visit every now and then.
When I’m in resistance. When I’m fighting who I’m meant to be.
And, yeah, I do that sometimes. And I know I’m not the only one.
And I think A LOT of us have *that friend* who used to be a friend and who now isn’t really a friend and every now and then they show up and it feels good – comfortable! – and then we start to remember why we aren’t really friends anymore.
3. I bubbled. And then I did it again because the bubble felt… weak. Not up to where I needed it.
(Note, the fifth: When I bubble I connect to the Divine Feminine and the Divine Masculine and when I do that, I can no longer convincingly think depressive thoughts.
I simply cannot hook into that much love and compassion and grace and power and STILL PRETEND I believe that the world is a cold, lonely, and bad place.
It isn’t, and I can’t.
Wanna know how I bubble and have me walk you through it?
4. I laid down for a few minutes and reset my energy.
(Note, the sixth: Sometimes I just need to declare a mulligan and restart my day after a little nap.
30 minutes was all it took.)
5. I had a big talk with my husband about something that was bothering me.
(Note, the seventh: There is always a TRUTH that needs expressing, that you’ve been repressing, hiding inside the depression spiral.)
6. I went to bed just after 7 because I was exhausted!
(Note, the eighth: we are much more susceptible to depressive thinking when we are tired and, while we’ve been on vacation, we have been staying up too late watching either HGTV and/or hockey.
And this morning I woke up at 5.
And I’m good.
In fact, I’m better than good.
Because what yesterday showed me was that, while the demon of depression might show up every now and then for a snuggle, I simply DO NOT HAVE the neurological ‘depression grooves’ that I used to have.
In other words, I have strategies and beliefs that make it almost impossible to continue down that spiral.
I could if I wanted, but I’d have to work really hard at it.
The grooves that used to be there… the neurological super-highways that left me lying in bed for days just. aren’t. there. anymore.
That’s why this is #thebestworkintheworld and I am so grateful for being allowed to stay in it and work with clients who show up and lay it all out on the table.
Clients who are willing to face the hard truths about themselves and move through them into freedom and a life beyond what they ever could have imagined.
Oh! Maybe I haven’t been clear, so let me say it this way:
That’s what’s beyond depression, by the way… F-R-E-E-D-O-M!
Sweet, sweet freedom to be yourself and have your voice heard.
Freedom to stay in your power and stop worrying about trying to please everyone else all of the time.
(You can’t please everyone and be true to yourself. Nuh uh.
You just can’t.
And trying to do so will keep you stuck forever.)
And that’s why I’m doing a special Masterclass on “Why You Choose Depression Over Dollars and Anxiety Over Action”.
I’m going to put together a whole slew of puzzle pieces that lay out why we sabotage ourselves and our businesses and drive ourselves into depression and anxiety insteadof becoming who we are meant to become.
It’s been on my heart to talk about this forever and I’ve been hiding… and I’m done with it.
Hiding sucks and it isn’t helping the people who need to hear this.
Stay tuned for details – and if you want to make sure you get the details, let me know in the comments.
And, if you have any questions or thoughts, put them down in the comments as well.
There is another way. Liberation. Profit.
And a *real* business instead of a 24/7 job pretending to be one.
Read Similar ArticlesPosted in: Divine Temple Healthy Living, Magic Miracles Manifestation
Tagged as: best work in the world, depression, itsannlpthing, relationships