Listening to Those Big ‘D’ Desires

Do you ever have those moments where it ‘just seems all wrong’? Where you’re stopped dead in your tracks in the middle of the day with the gobsmacking realization that this-cannot-continue-for-one-more-minute?

I’m pretty sure it’s not just me that has those… and it is true that I seem to have them more than a lot of people.

(at least that’s what my husband tells me…) 😉

It’s also true that I have those moments on the other end of the spectrum pretty frequently. Moments where I’m stopped dead in my tracks with the breath-taking, awe-struck realization that, in this moment, every single thing is very much very good and God is good and life is good and I am one very lucky butterfly.

Those moments are a very good thing.

Lately, they often involve looking out over a stunning sunrise or moonrise or after the newly fallen snow has kissed our land.

The back of our soon-to-be Christmas tree field after the first real snow of the year.

(we’ve had a lot of snow in the last week)

Those are the moments when I can feel the gratitude melting through my heart and softening every part of me until, weak in the knees, I’m on the floor in gratitude. I love those moments.

But, what I wanted to talk about today are those other moments. Those moments when everything is very much not all right and it cannot continue for one more minute.

I had one of those moments last week. Well, I want to pretend that it only happened a few days ago.

The truth is that the discontent has been building in me for weeks (years? decades?!) as I’ve lived in home after home that didn’t feel right. Home after home that didn’t feel done. That didn’t nourish me.

Homes that were functional, but not beautiful.

Were they even homes? No. Most of the time they were the houses I lived in… not true homes.

What Does Your Soul Thrive On

An unfinished, unbeautiful home?

That’s a problem for me. In fact, it’s a B-I-G problem because, as I’ve hinted, my soul thrives on beauty.

Last week, I realized that I’d once again created a home that isn’t beautiful. sigh.

Isn’t it interesting how we sometimes deny ourselves the very things that nourish us most.

Oh! Before we go any further, I have a disclaimer:

I acknowledge that what I’m talking about is definitely a case of #firstworldproblems. I am grateful that I have a home that is safe and warm and right on the ocean and all the things I have dreamed of.

But, it isn’t quite right.

I haven’t given it the attention, effort, and intention that it needs to get all the way to beautiful.

I haven’t cared for it the way that it needs.

Divine Discontent

I am also aware that what I’m talking about is straight up discontent. As a Christian, I’m called to find my peace and contentment in Jesus alone. It shouldn’t matter where I live or what it looks like and that because the decor feeds create discontent in me, I’m kinda like ‘get behind me Satan’ on all that.

But…

But it does. It goes deep. Really deep.

I also believe that our deep Desires are given to us by God. That they are cosmically planted in us before we are born to help us become all of who we are meant to be.

I believe that having a welcoming, gracious, beautiful home that cries out to weary travellers ‘here you will find rest and nourishment’ is totally in line with Biblical beliefs… even if those weary travellers are only my husband and #3 child who is living with us now.

(on a side note, it’s so easy to extend gracious hospitality to guests but ignore our own families, isn’t it!)

Hawthorn berries in the newly fallen snow.

Keeping Our Desires In the Light

Why is this so important?

Well, when our big-‘D’ Desires are ignored, they move into our Shadow and grow and fester and become obsessions and lusts. We are impelled to unhealthy behaviour like scrolling for hours on end or bingeing with online shopping or TV while our heart whimpers to have just a little more.

That’s why I believe it’s better to get those Desires out in the open. Then we can work with them, dig into them, and find out what we need to create to become the ‘all of us’ that includes the fruit of those Desires.

What are the deep Desires of your soul that you’ve been ignoring?

We’re not finished yet. There’s still hope. In Part 2, we’ll talk about creating serene sightlines and what happened after my big ‘Aha!’ moment.